Weekend Wrap-Up

I'm wrapping up early as the girls and I have much to do around the house today, I'm afraid :(.

I watched Michael Clayton last night, and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's nice to see Hollywood make a full-out Hollywood movie that completely works every now and then. Not too deep, not too shallow, some morality lessons, and all wrapped up neatly in the beauty of George Clooney:



Yeah, I know I've shown this pic before, but it seems that some of my readers and I will never tire of him.

The girls ran a kiddie race at Santa Anita park this weekend. Oddly enough, my mother hasn't sent me pics yet (and my camera, of course, was low on batteries because I always forget to charge the thing) so sadly, no pics. But they had a great time, Sylvia managed to get herself interviewed prior to the race - typical! She'll find that spotlight wherever she can. The girls stayed for the horse races with my parents, and Riley won $6, which thrilled her. I got to vacuum the living room with no little girls around - doesn't take much to make me happy!

Sylvia and I have started watching "Step It Up and Dance."



Already, it's my new "must-see."

Thanks to Violent Acres, I have a new must-read blog: Entertainment People. If snarky's not your thing, then don't bother, but if you enjoy someone saying all the things you want to say to stupidity, you will love this blog!

And now I have my own response to make to an anonymous comment I received on my last post about my best friend.

Anonymous said:

Rather than being a beautiful friendship, I find it quite sad. It's a story I've heard a thousand times. Guy courts girl, girl rejects guy, guy stays true friend, girl fails miserably at her relationships, guy stays true friend, girl is thankful for true friend. There's an obvious reason why the guy only wants to be friends anymore. You broke his heart one too many times. Like many other women, you just happen to be terrible at relationships. If you really love him, you should be begging him to take you back.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me, and really I haven't. But I know me well enough to know that it will get to me if I don't say what I have to say about it.

There's a bitterness about this person that is quite sad, but I can understand it as well. It can be difficult to not feel "less than" in a place that celebrates couples so much, and not the single. And clearly, this person has been hurt - most likely by an unrequited love.

It does suck when someone doesn't love you the way you love them. It would be wrong, however, to assume that I have never experienced this.

It would be wrong, also, to assume that I don't give anything to this friendship in return. I didn't find it appropriate to brag about what kind of friend I have been to K, but the truth is, the friendship is mutual. It's a give and take, just as any successful relationship is (or should be).

And it would also be wrong to be with someone for the wrong reasons, which is what K and I would be doing if we attempted to make more of our friendship than it is. Now, I'm old enough to know to never say "never," but at this point in our lives, as I stated in my earlier post, neither of us want that.

It kind of reminds me of how Hillary and Silda Spitzer have been chastised for staying with their man during difficult times. I don't know why they stayed for sure, but I know that I certainly stayed with my ex-husband much longer than I should have because our culture continues to impress upon our female population that one should stand by her man, no matter the circumstances. It's easy for people to assume that I'm the failure at the relationships. I don't see it that way. The failure would have been to stay. In any of them, for a variety of reasons.

I think relationships are a lot harder than we are led to believe. Through movies, politics, etc., we are told that love is enough. It isn't. It isn't enough to make one a good spouse or a parent. If it were that easy, we wouldn't have as nearly as many children in trouble, adults in trouble, and divorced.

As Kori has discussed, love, in its true and proper form, is an action. bell hooks wrote about this as well in all about love. Love is more than just a feeling that can't be helped, love is expressed in its greatest glory by the actions we give it.

And, sadly enough, you can do all that and still "fail." It has to work both ways.

As I've been writing this post, anonymous has responded again:

I'm not bitter, just realistic. What's there to understand? That he forgave you, and remained your friend unconditionally? I understand that. You're a lucky one. He seems like a wonderful man. Many other women spend the later years of their lives bitter and resentful at their failed marriages and empty love affairs. They don't have anyone. You have a real friend. Not only longer lasting than your other friends, but longer lasting than any of your marriages. My suggestion to you is that rather than "ruining" it, having a relationship with this man would be even more fruitful and just as long lasting. I think it's a shame that it's already been 22 years, but maybe it's never too late to try.

Don't you think it's a little mean to compare this long time friend who has stuck with you through everything to the one night stands and short term marriages with men who are long gone? Admit it, we all know its true - it was a mistake not to have married him in the first place. You can try to rationalize it now, but it's still a mistake and he's still the same man.

Okay, I'm really starting to wonder who this "anonymous" person is that thinks they know me so well.

But he/she brings up a great point about whether or not it's something to regret that K and I never ended up together in the first place.

No. We wouldn't have lasted! I love him, he loves me, and I'm not going to air out my entire life here (or his), but K and I both know we wouldn't still know each other today had we gotten married when I was 18. This friendship has survived for 22 years for the specific reason that we are friends.

And it seems that anonymous also thinks it's a mistake for me to have my two girls. Because they wouldn't be who they are had it not been for things going the way they did.

I also don't see how I've compared my relationship to K to anyone else. My post was about how special and unique K is to me! It was an honest assessment of what we've been through (or as much as one post can be about a 22-year friendship), and I'll consider it my failure as a writer for not expressing clearly enough that there is no comparison to make between K and any other man/boyfriend I've known.

I'm not going to say that I haven't made mistakes in my life - nor am I going to say that everything happens for a reason. And I'm only going to defend and/or explain myself so much here.

To get back to the original point of that post, that post is about the beauty of friendship. That post is about someone being there for someone else without obligation.

Anonymous: I've been quite decent about keeping your comments on my blog - and leaving the anonymous option open - and I would ask that you please consider carefully just what your intentions are before commenting further. I would consider continuing a dialogue off-line if you have something of value to say, and to stand behind your words with your identity. Because I'm seriously beginning to question whether or not you're just my ex-husband looking for further excuses to back out of paying all the child support you owe me! I will consider letting further comments of yours continue to be published on my blog, but I will also exercise my right to delete you if I deem it necessary.

I let myself get distracted earlier from my point, but I can't close this post without saying what I originally wanted to say - and why I'm writing about this now.

It is no crime to be single. It is no crime to be a single parent. It's sometimes nearly unbearably hard, but I carry no shame with it. I am quite proud - and relieved - to no longer be living the existence that I lived as a married mom. I'm going to use this blog to tell it like it is - the ups, the downs, the fears, the triumphs - because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want with it. If someone can't get past the fact that I'm single, then they need to move on. If someone is going to blame my being single on some character flaw of mine, then they can move on. I will not apologize for not settling.