The X gets the apartment building

X got out before we could move. Which just happened to be right before the holidays.

By this point, I was noticing the pattern. X tends to fall apart the most around that time of year. It's part of what makes me believe that his problems are not just drug-related, but seriously deep-rooted psychological problems.

My therapist (as I was going quite regularly during this time) told me to think of him as I would a disabled person. That I wouldn't expect a paraplegic, for instance, to be able to use their arms and legs, and of course, I wouldn't get frustrated with them for their inabilities. It's a great concept, and probably pretty accurate, but it doesn't always work.

I had to go through my sent emails from an old account to get a better picture of how things went down from here.

I found an email I'd sent to his family, pleading with them to tell X (because he didn't have a phone number) to stay away from our apartment building. He'd already promised me he would, but I heard from others in the building that they'd seen him around. Our home just no longer felt like home to me anymore.

So our apartment manager helped me find a new place in another building of the same owners. I was most excited that we went from a 1-bedroom to a 2-bedroom and I could have my own room! The girls weren't crazy about moving, nor did they know why and that probably didn't help, but I couldn't very well tell them the whole story. They also didn't like the fact that I said X couldn't visit us anymore, and I couldn't really explain that one, either.

Wow. I hadn't really realized until just now how confusing that must have been for them. But I don't know how I could've avoided that. They couldn't know the truth about my fears with the 'veiled threat', and I wouldn't lie to them.

I just tried to sound really excited about it and they probably saw it all as a very selfish move on my part - that we moved just so I could have my own room, and to not allow X to see them as much.

But moving wasn't all great stuff for me, either. The hike in rent put me in a really scary position. So much so, in fact, that I started working a second job (as well as going to college part-time). Most of the job could be done from home so it helped.

I also got the most fabulous news at the beginning of February (2006). I was finally, officially, legally divorced! Because he never filed a single paper, I got everything I'd petitioned for - sole legal and physical custody, and all of my stipulations to visitation. After a lunch with my boss to celebrate, my dad and I got to work on my will so that if something happened to me, X would not get custody of the girls.

A week after that, I was on the phone with my sister. She asked if there was any X news, and I realized it had been a while since we'd last heard from him. On a whim, I decided to check the LA Sheriff's website - I believe this was on Valentine's Day. Sure enough, he was listed as incarcerated. I had to laugh!

But my laughter stopped when another unknown person called, per X's request, to inform me. He knew how furious I had been about the whole 'veiled threat' incident, and yet he was still giving out my phone number to his acquaintances. I felt better knowing that they didn't know where I lived, at least, but it still bothered me. Not to mention, of course, that I now had the fun task of deciding whether or not to inform the girls.

I told his family so they could find out more about what was going on. We found out it would be at least a few weeks until his court date, even, as he had pleaded not guilty. (Whatever.) At that point, I was fairly certain the girls had to know.