OK, I really don't know which Part this X drama really is, and all things considered, still tame, but just proof that when there are kids involved, X drama never fully disappears.
I found out last week that Yahoo! Mother Board is holding a summit for us in Northern California, and providing hotel & transportation (I'm SO excited!). Since it's pretty much where X family's lives, I contacted X's brother and sisters to see if the girls could see them while I was at the summit. I've told the girls that if X is still up there, not in jail, then they probably would see them, but that their aunts and uncle would be in charge of the girls. (Standard rules.)
Last night, X tells Sylvia to ask me that if he gives me money upfront, would I have dinner with him and the girls.
This pissed me off on several levels. First, DON'T go through Sylvia to ask ME questions. He has my phone number, he can call me directly. Second, it makes it sound like all I would care about is the money, which isn't the case. True, I said never again would I have dinner with him after the Mother'X day fiasco of a few years ago when I ended up paying for it, but all in all, I'm just not that interested in faking a family dinner with him.
The girls have their relationship with him, and their relationship with me. They know they're two separate things. It's been seven years. They don't need to adjust anymore. And if anything, this facade of a "real" family would just be a reminder of what they don't have.
Not to mention, I don't think I'll be available for dinner. Yahoo! already has dinners planned for us the two nights we're there, so even if I wanted to (which I don't), I probably couldn't do it.
He was on the phone with Riley when Sylvia informed me of this request. I told Riley I wanted to talk to him when she was done, and that upset Sylvia.
I told X not to send messages through Sylvia anymore. She's 12; she doesn't need that kind of responsibility. He said he understood, and he would call me. (Of course, he hasn't.)
Then, I had to deal with Sylvia. She said she wanted us to have dinner together so I could tell him how good she did at the Showcase. I told her I would be happy to tell him that anytime. Then she said she felt guilty because when he had been in jail, she'd written him a letter, pleading with him to never commit another crime again.
She said she'd only done it because everyone (meaning me, her therapist, and I think her friend) had told her it would help her feel better. I asked her if it had, and she nodded through tears. She said she was glad she'd done it, but he'd sounded sad when they had talked about it. I told her that's because he felt bad about letting her down. As he should.
I told her, "you know I'm always honest about your dad. I promise you, you can always tell him how you feel. He will never stop loving you. He may not know how to be a dad, but he does love you and he always will." She hugged me then.
So it ended up being okay and helped her get to a better place.
In other news, I've got another post up at Parentella, asking if school standardizes students.
6 comments:
"when there are kids involved, X drama never fully disappears."
Ain't that the truth.
So cool about the trip!
My ex has gotten in the habit of having me drop the girls off at a restaurant for their visits.. then he convienently "wants to talk." Which is usually him trying to dig up any info I might spill about my personal life. I have taken to the habit of just ordering a drink, sitting for 5 minutes, and then leaving. He just doesn't get it.
I cannot wait to move to CA and just not have to care about him anymore.
Your doing the right thing in telling her that. As hard as it is, I bet it put her little mind at ease.
Yahoo! for trips anywhere! But especially nice that you get to do something for yourself, by yourself, and the girls get to see family.
You handled the X just right, it may seem difficult for them now, but the girls will appreciate the fact that you were always honest with them about their dad, and it will mean so much to them that you never bad mouthed him or put him down in front of them. Like yours, my ex doesn't need any help from me in proving to the kids what a total loser he is, he does a great job of that all on his own!
I don't know how you do it sometimes. You are a strong person. And you always seem to know what to say to your daughters.
I'm not only impressed by what you say to your daughters but how they take it. I never seem to say the right thing to mine, when it comes to her Dad.
It's painful to hear the emotional upheaval that the X's cause in our childrens' lives. We can only hope that in some way it makes them stronger later.
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