Full Steam Ahead

It's been a crazy week. I closed one chapter, opened another, all while Sylvia was having the time of her life on her trip.

The insanity started the week before, when I had the crazy idea to audition for a musical. Haven't done that in I don't know how many years.

Sylvia was already auditioning, and I asked her what she thought about it. She thought I should. Actually, she said she didn't really care either way. In teen-speak, I think that's approval!

During that first audition, I was totally freaking out. I hadn't done this in a whole lot of years! Didn't help that the accompanist and I started in different measures, but soon enough, it worked out. Then I had to read a scene. Then I had to dance. Thankfully, nothing too difficult, but it's been forever since I've had to learn choreography.

Over the weekend, we got the news that I'd been called back, but Sylvia was too young. We thought that might happen. She took it well. She has so much going on in her life right now that it might have been too much for her.

For the call-back, I had to learn a song from the show. Another thing I haven't done in so many years. But the more I practiced, the more I remembered.

I hadn't told anyone besides the girls what I was doing. I ran into someone I knew, and vowed them to secrecy as well. It was hard enough to get myself into this without other people asking me how it went. 

Tuesday morning, at 5 a.m.,  I put Sylvia on a plane. Tuesday evening, at 6 p.m., I was at a call-back. I sang, read various scenes with various actors, learned another dance routine...and I had the best time! I'm sure there were some things I could've done better, but for my first time out, I felt like I'd conquered the most difficult part; getting over my nerves.

The day after the call-back, I graduated from my leadership class. I've had the most amazing time with this experience. I've met amazing people, I've learned things about myself and my community that I wouldn't have known otherwise. I tried new things. I was completely exhausted, but thrilled and honored to have been part of it.

The next day, I was offered a small role in the production.

I don't expect to be doing shows on a regular basis, but once a year might be fun. I feel like it completes the circle of integrating my past into my present.

When I first started this journey as a single mom, it felt like there weren't any choices left that I could make for myself. While I accepted the responsibilities and sacrifices that come with being a mom, it took a long time to feel like there was room for me, too. I enjoyed going back to school, but it was still something I did for the girls. Starting this blog was the first thing I did just for me. Being a mom, of course, is still a big part of my blogging. The leadership class ended up showing me that there was still a lot I could do. Doing this show is not just about me, either. I think it also shows them that it's never too late. That you can still have things in your life you do just for fun.

My girls have asked me plenty of times what it was like for me to perform, and then not to perform. They are excited that they'll get to see me on stage. They get to see a glimpse of who I was before I was "Mommy."

During this crazy week, Sylvia has called and texted with bits and pieces of her trip. She's had the best time.

This week will be another kind of crazy. They are both graduating from their schools. I've gone to my last PTA meeting. I will no longer have a child in elementary school. And all of us are so excited about the future, we're full steam ahead to see what's next. For all of us.